...after a very, very fun day

i kept waiting for one message. a message that will never come. i know it won't come. i won't receive anything so i'm not gonna send anything to him either. i think its the right thing to do. coz only i get to do the things that men should do. so i wonder whether he's really the man or i am. maybe i am, that's why he doesn't like me. coz i dont wear skirt or sexy tops or make up. i'm no dyke. if i was dyke, i'd like girls. i don't. i'm tough and bitchy and i do what i want to do and the things i do always shock people and shut them up. like the way he shut up when i said i love you.

now it's summer and it's almost at its end. the piercing heat and freezing coldness will meet again. they always meet and chase each other. we were like that once. that's why i envy summer and rain. but just like them too, summer loses the battle and rain begins to pour. He is rain, I am Summer and i am losing my battle now. he's gonna pour down hard and strong and he's not alone. tears of the rain come in millions, and when they pour, he's gonna be with other raindrops. he's gonna fall into the ground. he's gonna fall with another raindrop and kiss the earth and in the cycle they will both turn into clouds and pour down again together. while Summer will return into the picture and be remembered a year after. sigh

I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind
is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.
-- William Shakespeare (Hamlet) --

After being deluged with wind and rain this week, I was mighty glad to catch a glimpse of the sky peeking through the clouds.

It's a neat concept, and is just as cool as it sounds. As long as you take a second to actually look at each image, you can scroll for hours (or minutes, depending on your attention span!) before you get bored. Simply click the image to view the artist's Flickr album. Here are a few beautiful photos I have run across in just my first 5 minutes:

A Journey Begins
Artist: Lisa Røstøen
Via: Flickriver

Peace & Calm 55/365
Artist: shes_jack
Via: Flickriver

Cremello
Artist: Dan65
Via: Flickriver

*** NOTE: The time on the sun set pics should be pm not am. I haven't adjusted the setting of my camera yet .

I know I'm not the only one who has been through this.  I know one day I will be happy.  I know that one day I will meet someone and fall in love.  I know.

But until that happens I must say that this is the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my 32 years that I can remember.  It really has no instruction manual.  You have to feel the pain off loss...like a death.  You have to cope.  You have to "get out there" as I'm told over and over.

There will be other hurting I think.  Other painful moments.  Other mountains to climb.  I don't see this as an easy path forward...a yellow brick road.  I see it as a challenge that I have no other choice but to take.  I must keep moving because that is me.  I'm no quitter.  I hit stumbling blocks along the way that set me back a little but I get up, dust myself off, and then trudge forward.  I never really give up (even when I'm in a situation where I really should give up and let go...I still keep trying).  Thank goodness I'm no quitter! Ha..

It's just a hard thing to get used to.  A lonely exsistence in the darkness of the night.  I have a hard time with those moments.  I have a hard time going upstairs to bed every night.  My bed is huge and I share with my dog.   Thank god for him.  If I was completely alone without another living soul I might have gone nuts.  And thank god for my friendships.  They are the only thing I have that keeps me sane. 

Ten years is a long time to have a companion and then *POOF* they disappear right before your eyes.  Like a death...I'm in mourning for companionship I no longer have.  I'm trying to see the silver lining in the clouds...but right now I don't see any clouds in the sky.

I'm trying not to make mistakes with "other" guys because I feel lonely.  I'm trying to think through my decisions.  Sometimes I slip but we all do it.  We all make silly decisions because we're lonely but I'm slowly realizing it.  I'm slowly seeing that when you want things to be a certain way so you ignore the obvious signs that it's just not right for you.  *sigh*  It's hard to do the right thing.  It takes time to learn how to deal.  It takes a lot to be stong and NOT give into emotions. 

Life is hard.  But no one said it would be easy.  It seems that it's mostly a struggle and I'm just kinda tired.  I need a life nap.

Greetings! This is, undoubtly my favorit pic ever! This blue is simply fantastic.

Picture taken in the beggining of this year, in the last day of a camping of "carnival" at 5:00 am, aproximadally.  Almost all mornings was raining, this one does not different, but the result cannot be more harmonious. Do you agree?

Is impossible  witness something like this and does not see the God's face there. x')

Because I love looking at the world from a plane and think it would be fun start my own plane photo collection.

So this time, on my way back to SFO from my connecting flight in ATL... I remembered... and I got my Rolleiflex out ahead of time with an extra roll of film. I was very proud of myself... and ready to take off and snap away.

As we were just about to take off the piolot came on and welcomed us, and said it was a beautiful day for a plane ride.

I perched high in my seat with my big clunky camera perched in the window, ready...

We started rolling, then we lifted, then there was a very loud bang, although bang doesn't describe it well, but there was a very very loud bad noise and then we wobbled and went back down to the runway, then wobbled on the runway with flames and smoke coming off my wing on the left side.

The we stopped and were surrounded by lots of firetrucks.

An engine blew up we were told first, then it was "Mechanical failure."

And after the firetrucks gave us the ok, we hobbled back to the gate and got off to wait for our next plane.

I was surprised how quickly they had us back on another plane, but somehow, I wasn't quite as excited this time... I have to say the experience definitely stirred my nerves and was a good reminder that life is short and not to be taken for granted.