I dialed Globe Telecom’s number, talked to someone named “Jojo” and begged him to get someone to fix my internet. He assuringly said he will get someone to look into it. I just have to wait for a matter of 3-5 business days. HUUU-WHAT??!! He has to be kidding! I can’t wait for the internet for five f**king days! (note: I didn’t say the “f” word, but I was sorely tempted) I felt all the blood rushing up my head. I told him I’ll just call again to make a follow up.

Now, I tried to preoccupy myself with doing other task. I gave the dog a bath, which was good since he was starting to stink.(I had to take a bath as well after because he shook his soap all over me), I tried to level up my characters in Jeanne D’arc ( a PSP game). I cooked chicken stew (Tinola), and I tried to read the new cookbook my husband gave me.Still my computer called out to me.

I called Globe again around four or five in the afternoon. I talked to “Alex” this time and asked if there was already a request for a technician to check my internet line. He said there was just a report about it,but he will be asking for an onsite visit for their technicians to check our line. Damn! That means no one will be fixing it today. He gave the same spiel about the 3-5 business days, and by the time he was finished I was having a hard time controlling my temper. This isnt the first time I’ve had problems with Globe. Since June of this year, our service has been AWFUL! Every month we have bill adjustments.We would lose our dialtone, our broadband connection for a week, but I wasn’t so upset before because I didn’t depend on the internet that much. Now that this is my bread and butter, I am soooo angrrrry!

I called again, and again, and again. I will keep calling Globe and keep complaining to them until they get their act together and start improving their service. I asked them to escalate my concern to their supervisors, so they can take “real measures” to this problem, but I have yet to talk to a supervisor. You know what they say about the squeaky wheel getting the grease, you really have to keep complaining to get some action done!

Hmmm, I just wonder why it’s not working for the current government administration. But that’s a different story.

Okay, to begin the journey, let’s have a look at where I’m at right now:

I am a little wheel churning away in the big corporate world. I have been in my job for about a year - It would be going well, if I didn’t think there was more to life!

Consciously or unconsciously, I have put myself in a position where I am a pillar of my team, a strong contributor and performer. My managers think I am gunning for a promotion and am in for the long haul. That was my original idea, but as you see, I have changed my mind.

Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful. The job provides fantastic learning opportunities, a regular income and I have made some fantastic friends. But it is still that – a J-O-B. As some people call it Just Over Broke. That, of course, doesn’t mean I’m broke. What it means is there is limited potential:

Sure I can climb the corporate latter, and I know there will be some people cheering me on. But, as Steven Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People said “Many people are climbing the ladder of success every day, only to find that it is leaning against the wrong wall!” So I figure I’d better check the wall first!

Alternatively I can go out with my own ideas, follow my passion and earn the rewards for the hard work I’ve put in. Of course, I realise it’s not easy. No regular pay checks, and lots of self-motivation and discipline.

Whether leaving the rat race is about money or not – the qualities Napoleon Hill outlines in his classic personal development book Think and Grow Rich are a requirement for anyone wanting to go out on their own: Desire, Faith, making decisions and being persistent are key components to be mastered.

Which is why I am taking the carefully planned option – rather than resigning and hoping for something better. I am laying out my strategy and am learning all the necessary skills before entering the new game!

I'm struggling with a conundrum: does "service" necessarily imply "without compensation?"  Must all service rendered to the Baha'i Faith be for free, or can one serve the Faith and earn a living from that service?   I believe there exists in our community a perception that service to the Faith should be offered up voluntarily, without compensation.  I admit to feeling that way myself.  But then I had the idea for this venture, and suddenly I was no longer sure that the matter was so black and white.  Here is why: there are some things which are simply too big for one person (or even a group of people)  to undertake solely on a volunteer basis.  Which means that if the job that needs to be done costs too much in the way of time, money or effort, it simply won't get done.  I've spoken with several people who think that what I propose to do is very important to the Baha'i community.  Many before me have felt the same way.  They tried but failed.  (I've spoken to five people myself.)  I'm guessing that the reason they failed is because they wanted to do it "as a service to the community," aka "for free."  But those people had jobs and lives which didn't leave them with enough time/money/energy to see the project through to the end. 

I'm very fortunate because at the moment, I have all these resources and a supportive (non-Baha'i) husband who is willing to let me give it a go.  However, if things don't work out, I will eventually have to go find a paying job, which will doom my efforts as well. 

I really want to see this venture succeed.  Not for my sake, but for the sake of all the people who could potentially hear the name of Baha'u'llah through it.  But that can only happen if Verdanta can pay for itself, with a little left over to contribute to the support of my family.  Knowing all this, I am at peace running this business as a for-profit business. 

Enter: "others" 

I recently received an email from a colleague whose comment I thought meant he felt service to the Faith should be offered up for free.  (I apologize if I'm misrepresenting his feelings on this; I may be projecting my own confliction onto him).  The issues is, should this perception prove prevalent, it could cripple Verdanta  before it even gets off the ground.

Baha'u'llah tells us to strive to "render service to the world of humanity."   He also tells us that earning a livelihood "is a duty which, in this most great Revelation, hath been prescribed unto every one, and is accounted in the sight of God as a goodly deed." 

Abdu'l-Baha told us to "Trust in God and engage in your work and practice economy; the confirmations of God shall descend and you will be enabled to pay off your debts. Be ye occupied always with the mention of Bahá'u'lláh and seek ye no other hope and desire save Him." (Baha'i World Faith, p. 375)

So earning a living is a goodly deed, and the mission of my proposed occupation is to "be always occupied with the mention of Baha'u'llah."  Often we think of these things as separate and distinct, but why?  What would Baha'u'llah say about a job that earns money AND serves the Faith?  I'd like to think He would be happy about it. 

The other aspect of service is wanting to serve as many people as possible.  If I do this on a volunteer basis, I will be limited in the number people I will ultimately serve.  Why?  Because I will have to go out and find a paying job, thereby leaving me much less time (and even less energy) to tackle something as ambitious as what I am proposing. 

Service: free or fee?

The culture I live in - America - loves to think of everything in terms of either/or.  But the heart and soul of the Baha'i Faith is based on "both/and."  Is science right or religion?  They both are.  Jesus or Muhammad?  Both.  So can I serve the Baha'i community and earn a living?   I believe I can, but ultimately, it is up to Baha'u'llah. I lay all my affairs in His capable hands, and I pray that He only let me succeed if He deems this venture good and worthy.

Its basically abt friends, enjoyment, recreateion, n d most important abt nurturing ur own self to be some1 whom d world adores. College scintillates ur personality n this is d time of opportunities. When one comes here, he finds ome troubles(may be) bcoz he's been out for the first time, but slowly - slowly he learns how to tackle this world n prove Darwin's theory abt survival of the fittest.

Huh.......quite heavy words. Doesnt matters..... CL exposes you to the world of opportunities, open competetion, recreation, n helps to shape ur Lifestyle too.

Here u get ample amount of time for nurturing all ur hidden dreams, ur desires, n gives u a freedom of doin all u ever dezired.

There r many who doesn't get a chance or they dont opt 4 College studies. May due to some reasons they decide so, but one must try 2 enter into this world n pursue his career towards a new juncture........

Any way thats all 4 now.....

Meet u soon ...Bye Take Care

had a good fellowship with eric, careen, tim, jaz, and jill for breakfast. the fellowship was totally awesome especially by jaz's sharing on how his bro as a 6 days old Christian was transformed by the Lord. his brother used to be an anti-christ, sounded like Apostle Paul... his testimony was incredible. he evangelized to his friends, 6 friends got saved when he was a 4 days old Christian. his brother being a very influential artist will be going to Indo mission trip, this update totally blew our minds off...

Praise God.

Not only that, jaz is on the midst of planning to partner with jill on a creative project (not confirm yet)... just by listening, i got so inspired by jaz's strong desire to achieve the award. it has been a while since i can feel such a strong passion from anyone.

"do i have such desire? where has all my passion gone to?"

jaz said one thing that challenged me... he said "chloe, it is all in you. everyone knows what they want." he went on saying that i should do what an art person should do... and i really thank God for someone who believes in me.

i know where my talent lies... yet like the parables of talents, i'm not confident of the talents that the Lord has given to me. now i'm in a ground where i know that i have no anointing in... being bonded by something that is really holding me back...

God, please help me...

Seriously, though, I am in the process of revamping my blog in a way that will have more of a look in keeping with my diamond theme.

In the meantime, career and ministry-wise, God has been opening doors for me.  Here is a brief recap:

• Thanks to the recommendation of my friend, Kristen (who btw, has an awesome blog for anyone living with chronic illness. Check it out here), I performed my first Christian concert at her church last week. The concert went very well and I came away blessed by the audience and church staff, all of whom were fantastic to me.
• I have also been approached to perform at a big ladies business conference in Dallas next year. In addition to singing and giving some of my testimony, I also will probably do a skit. Details on all of that are still a bit sketchy.
• Thanks to a short lunchtime gig I did at a local retirement home last week, I got a call from an administrative employee at an upscale retirement home in Portland yesterday. Apparently, someone named Jennifer with whom I supposedly went to school and who is now the administrator of this place, either heard about my singing and/or saw my face on a flyer for the upcoming "Living the Life" conference and wants me to perform at the home's senior dance next month. I have a meeting to discuss the details next week and also hopefully discover who this mysterious Jennifer is. I went to school with a lot of Jennifers over the years but there was one in particular I remember from elementary school. I'm banking it's her. In the meantime, who says you can't be discovered singing in a nursing home?  With God, all things are possible!

Anyway, there is more stuff happening. Lots of angst I need to share and will once the newly-remodeled blog is up, which should be soon.

In the meantime, hope this post finds everybody who still bothers to check in here well.

And thanks to Belinda for getting on me about not writing. Love ya, girl!

How to go to next level?

In an organization, generally, no body is going to tap your shoulder and ask you to move on in your career step. There are lots of opportunity exist in an organization and it is up to an individual to learn and grow in an organization. It is generally true. Luck is also a factor and persistent hard work creates luck.

Key principle to keep in mind before anyone consider to go to next level.

• Be great in what you are currently doing (master the subject and be evalangilist in that subject)
• Let everyone know that you are really great in what you are doing. Do it shamelessly.

If you follow the above two principle and you consistently do it over a period of time (time depends on your position and organization) AND you need to ask this question to yourself. Are you ready for the next level? You need to honestly answer this question to yourself.  Do NOT answer yes because of power, money, prestige etc. Honestly and truthfully answer to yourself. If the answer is yes because you think you are qualified to the next level then start build the network through mentoring. Perform mental shadowing. Observe the members in the organization who is in your to be level and analyze how they are performing their daily operation, how they deal their situation in a daily manner and position yourself in their shoes. How they did certain things, how they answered few questions asked in the town hall, deparment meeting, staff meeting etc and position yourself how you would have done it if you were in their position. Perform a variance analysis. The key is to select the top successful person in your to be level. A role model. If you keep doing this, I'm confident you will get where you want to be.

A year ago today I was preparing myself to move to Paris. A year later, I’m sitting here trying to plan my next semester abroad. A year from now? Who knows. Some things are up in the air, but nothing is set in stone yet. 

The idea of considering something with an air of pensivement, or thoughtfully looking at a situation, is very important to me. And its true that I often look at my own life and wonder what’s going on. Right now though, I’m thinking about what was, what is, and what will be. 

I came back to Dallas without a job, without my own place, and with absolutely no money. I had been detached from my life for five months and in a weird way felt like a foreigner in my own city. In the eight months since I’ve returned, I’ve once again adapted and become comfortable with my life here. I’ve gotten closer to friends and family, created new friends, and have grown very fond of my boyfriend. In five months, as I did before, I will once again leave the country and go back to my “second” home, Paris. 

This was a difficult and indeed controversial decision to make, but I knew it was the right one for me. When I left Paris in December, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be returning soon. I knew that my life had changed, and I knew that I would always return to the city that I grew up in one way or another. But when I think of the challenges, the difficulty of moving to a foreign country, I get nervous again. 

So once again, I’m thinking. One year ago I didn’t even feel comfortable speaking French conversationally because I’d never had a reason to do it. Now I crave conversation in French. Now I think in French, and I don’t want to stop there. Learning this language is the thing that has changed my life. Learning this language has opened up my mind to the struggles, the challenges, and the amazing rewards that come with learning a new language. I have a true fascination with being able to communicate with someone in a completely different language. I feel that, growing up monolingual, we take advantage of the fact that everyone around us speaks the same language. Speaking a language seems like something so natural, so easy. But indeed languages are amazing utensils, and the fact that there are so many of them is even more fascinating. But perhaps the neatest thing I have learned through speaking French is the fact that virtually nothing translates literally. Sure, there are words like “dog” that translate into “chien”, but the meaning and the weight of the words are usually different. Take the word wife for example. In French, wife means “la femme”, which literally translated means “the woman.” So, when a French man refers to his wife as “ma femme” (my woman), the word carries a different weight than it would in English. Or how about the word for “home” in English. In our language, this word conveys a sense of comfortableness, cozyness, and familiarity. The French do not have a word that comes close to “home”. We say “I’m going home”, the French say “je reviens chez moi”, with “chez” being the preposition that refers to someone’s residence. 

The point to all of this is that learning this language has stirred the sociologist inside of me who loves to study people and cultures. By learning this language, I have gotten to know a particular culture on a very intimate level. I’ve been able to understand how they think, why they think that way, and how they came about to think that way. This is the reason why I want to learn more languages. I believe that language learning is the best way for someone to understand another culture, another people. How can you relate to an Arab if you do not speak Arabic? How can you begin to know anything about the Chinese if you don’t speak a lick of the language?

Learning a language is a foreboding task, but very rewarding. I won’t pretend to act like I’m 100% fluent, or that the amount of work that I’ve done to learn French even compares to going to medical school or training to do other specialties. But for me, it fits. It was MY foreboding task, and after all these years I feel like I’ve finally gotten over the biggest hump. Now where? Hehe...who knows. Its exciting to think about though!

Oh, and the title? It comes from this instance a long time ago when I was telling my French mère that I was tired (in French), and she simply looked at me, laughed, and said “if you want to know anything about the French, its that we never say we’re tired.” I thought it was cute, and interesting at the same time. 

I had an interview with the first big law firm. I thought it didn’t go well at all. I just couldn’t get the girl to warm up to me.

I fell into a pretty serious depression after that. I just couldn’t get a hold of myself. In an effort to be supportive, people started telling me bad things about this firm. Their boring, its nothing but insurance, I’ll never see the inside of a courtroom, etc.

Supportive people, "They suck."

Me, "Yeah, they totally suck. SO glad I didn’t get a call back."

This morning after my run, I went to my mailbox expecting to see one of those “sorry but we aren’t going to hire you letters”. Instead, there was a fancy envelope with an invitation to come to the firm for more interviews.

Woohoo – I’m going! I got a call back!

As I've said on my post, I never thought I'd feel this way again. I dunno. I was ranting the entire day because I wouldn't be able to join the fun at the e-heads concert. I continued my rant the entire night with Kait tsk-tsking all throughout reminding me I'd get my blood pressure hiked up again.

I was ranting and then I was swamped with work. I came in 10.30pm (yes I was late than usual) and by 12.30am I've gone through 3 conference calls already. By 3am I've gone through 2 additional calls highlighting my various responsibilities for the Saturday On-Call shift (I'm the ON-CALL manager today apparently!) and another half hour and I found myself in a mess with about 3 people asking me questions on chat and 1 still halfway done report.

Out of the blue I sent my boss I very simple message over sametime chat. I said, "Nawiwindang na ako para bukas!" One of my 4 phone lines readily rang and there she was on the other end asking me if I'd be ok tomorrow. I tried to be the good trooper and said I'd be great. I just learned that other than hosting the morning call at 10.45pm MNL I also have to jump into a bridge for our switchboard event by 12mn which would run until 8am. Ha, non-stop telebabad?! It felt like the world was conspiring to bring me to my knees once again, something that I felt when I was still with TP.

After that short call. We started to discuss some things over chat. She requested that I send a summary of what to expect regarding staffing for Saturday's shift and ONLY if it's good. I said I already ran some initial comparative analysis for the 4 Saturdays of the season and I said I'm fairly sure it's something that the clients would like. My boss said I should go and send that with the updated numbers and also send a bullet by bullet update on the Kick-off plan of each site for this year's NFL/ESPN season which starts tonight.

That chat made my day. We were joking about which Site Director did the worst job in creating the corniest kick off event. She said they'd have me voted off the island cos I'm too mean with my comments. So what if I said their ideas were, "bonggang-bongga" with all the sarcasm that can be detected over chat messages. It actually got better when the Senior Director for Operations sent me a message and we started joking around since I didn't know what the answer was to his question at the time. I told him he can't order me around or I'd have the tribe vote him off as a castaway. He said I have to remember that if he gets voted off he'd be part of the final council. Ouch. I just lost my chance to a million dollars. Hehehe~

So I started telling G about it. I told him however crappy work may be I just love the people I work with. We're not chums or whatnot, as I've said before, I'm not even remotely friendly here. But just the fact that none of them have supersized egos makes everything a bit more fun.

Though it still sucks that I have to come in to work tonight, A WEEKEND NIGHT! My boss reminded me I still have 2 in-lieu leaves since I came to work last Aug 18 and 25 which are both holidays. Yipee~ Boracay, pwede na ang extended stay!

Plus, I got this note from my team's VP.

L*******,

I noticed that you volunteered to be the lead for Saturday, helping the
team. I want you to know that I really appreciate your willingness to do
that, and your support. You have made a positive difference to the team in
a very short time, and I am truly looking forward to seeing you in person.

Separately J**and L*******, is there anything I can bring from the US that
you, or anyone would like? Joy, are WII games are hard to get as the gaming
system?

L***

Simple yet sweet. Everyone's been very supportive really. Something which I never had to chance to feel before. I've been used to leading my own team and making sure they're protected from all the external conflicts. Now, it's the other way around. My team's here trying to nurture me.

I'm still rant-y. I'm tired. And I'm still feeling a lot left out because I'm staying in tonight. But I couldn't help but also feel appreciated and cared for. After all, if everything continues as it is now, I just might get to set foot on bigger dreams.

Sabi nga ni Ryan, hinde na ako magbabago...

I think it's because as soon as I depart for Basic Military Training, that's it.  This chapter of my life will be over.

All day today, I've been irritable and on the verge of tears.  I know it's not terribly much that I'm leaving behind.  I'm leaving friends who evidently offer conditional support at best; I'm leaving New England, which I've always wanted to do; I'm leaving a job I hate.  On the other hand, though, I will be voyaging forth with no one by my side.  Just me, my own little island.

Uncertainty is eating away at me.  What if I'm in love and by this choice, I'm going to allow it to slip through my fingers?  What if I hate life in the Air Force?  What if I hate everyone else there?

I want to serve my country.  I have always known that it would mean sacrifice.  But I never imagined it would feel like this.

I can't even find the words to describe what I feel right now.  "Bleak" almost fits.  All day, I've felt as if I'm slowly sinking.  Normally I respond to such feelings by forcing myself to become angry, because I hate feeling sad.  But I can't do it.  Anything would be better than this.

I find Cool Jobsters in all sorts of places (though many of them seem to have been hiding lately).   In this particular case, I was doing a little googling about Olympic athletes and found the blog of Dr. David Loeb.  His blog title refers to him as "Dr. David", so I'm going to do the same.  (The red Chuck Taylors he's wearing in the picture also somehow point me in that direction...)

Although at first it would seem that treating kids with cancer or sitting in a lab doing research are not very "fun" things to do, Dr. David's passion for his work and the care he has for his patients and their families has made me reconsider what having a "cool job" can mean.

I'm  going to let Dr. David's interview, and his blog (which I very much encourage everyone to read) both speak for themselves.

When people ask you "what do you do?" how do you describe your job?
Usually I start out saying "I take care of kids with cancer."  If asked further, I elaborate and say I have a fabulous job, and that I get to both be doctor for a group of really great kids who happen to also have cancer AND I get to run a laboratory and do research about cancer, so that one day we may cure these kids without making them so sick in the process.  The lab part is really great, because I get paid to play in the lab, kind of like a kid with a chemistry set.

What are the things about your job that you love?
I love developing relationships with the kids I take care of and their families.  I love being able to help take care of really sick kids and make them better.  I love being able to provide comfort to dying children and their families, even when I can't hope to cure them anymore.  I love learning new things in the lab and figuring out how to take those new ideas and make them into new treatments.

What are the things about your job that you hate?
I hate having to spend so much time writing grant applications begging for the financial support my lab needs to keep functioning.

What education, training, vocation or just plain luck would someone have to have in order to get a job like yours?
Immense amounts of education and training.  I have both an MD and a PhD, so after high school I went to college (4 years) followed by a combination of medical school and graduate school (7 years) followed by a residency (3 years) and a fellowship (3 years).  So the total amount of education and training after high school was 17 years.  I'm not sure anyone would think of 17 years as luck.  Unless... bad luck??

What is the funniest story you can think of that involves your professional training or your job?
On my 30th birthday, I was on call in the neonatal intensive care unit as a resident.  My wife felt bad for me that I had to work in the hospital overnight on my 30th birthday party, so she sent me a singing telegram... a big pink gorilla in diapers.  All of the parents gathered around and watched as the gorilla serenaded me, and some even videotaped it!

Even if you are not a technology marketing professional, Guy delivers a great speech on innovation.  At minimum, scroll through the index of the video so you can see the topics he will cover.  You can skip ahead at any time.

Guy Kawasaki on The Art of Innovation

"To get a new lease:"
1. A new beginning.
2. Starting over again.
3. Getting a second chance to live life the way you want to.

Enter getting a new lease on ... work.

I recently blogged about hiding out at work - in an easy environment, putting forth minimal effort. Well, those days are over! My boss approached me a week ago about becoming a trainer in my department and I'm pretty sure I'm going to take the opportunity and run with it.

The one problem is that the position is not in my field of Mass Communication - will my guilt over not using my degree to be a real PR Practitioner outweigh the benefits of making money and helping a smaller company grow in every way I can?

I think not.

Be sure to check it out here. Especially love the home page montage of "The Office" with my words underneath. Somehow it just works.